When a child is peaceful, the whole classroom is peaceful. Every teacher aims to find that perfect balance of easy transitions and effortless classroom routines, free of power struggles over homework, assignments, and school related issues. The centered place where children learn.
But every teacher also knows this balance isn’t always the reality. When your student displays poor behavior, routines go out the window, transitions become a challenge, and there may be tears and struggles over missed assignments. When your student’s behavior is off, life can be rough.
Children’s behavior can be “off” for many different reasons. They might be nervous, afraid, ill, or even just hungry. There may be environmental cues that trigger unresolved trauma. All of these emotions and sensations are stressors. Too many stressors at once can overwhelm a child’s nervous system and impact their ability to respond appropriately.
The result? Poor behavior, poor learning.
How to Interpret Bad Behavior
Many schools have protocols and plans in place to address poor behavior. But I’m inviting you to consider a different perspective. Instead of immediately thinking of what the child did wrong, or what they should have done instead, what if you knew how to interpret and respond to the behavior?
Poor behavior is a messenger.
When a child displays negative behavior, there is always an underlying message. The child is dysregulated. Their nervous system is too overwhelmed to meet the demands of the moment. The key is to look to understand what is causing the behavior.
The child’s behavior is telling you what their words cannot. Some children might not have the words to describe how they are feeling. Younger children may not have the cognitive skills to do what is asked. Older children may have the words, but once they are overwhelmed they aren’t able to access the thinking skills needed to respond reasonably, problem solve, or make choices.
Children must first calm down to bring their thinking abilities back online.
When children are dysregulated, they are beyond their capacity to manage the demands of life at the moment. The key is to help the child calm their nervous system so they can regulate their behavior from a mindful place. Learning to regulate our nervous system is one of the jobs of childhood – to learn to adapt to the current demands of the moment.
But this is not an easy task.
What Happens When Children Aren’t Self-Regulated?
Children are not born knowing how to regulate their behavior. They must practice and learn.
For children, learning to self-regulate their behavior requires the presence, guidance and modeling of a teacher or caretaker who is regulated themselves. Caretakers and educators must respond to children’s needs so the child feels that the world is a safe and caring place.
The child must practice engaging in age-appropriate challenges under the guidance of a loving, supportive adult.
“Poor behavior” is resulting in a large number of suspensions and expulsions of children as early as preschool.
The prevalence of problem behavior in preschool children is rather staggering.
The National Association for the Education of Young Children tells us that over 8,700 preschool children are expelled from preschool each year (NAEYC, 2017). Three times more preschoolers are expelled than students in grades kindergarten through grade 12. This presents immediate and long-term problems.
The immediate problem is that school suspension and expulsion poses a problem for early childhood education. The children who are being suspended or expelled are the exact children who need to be in school to receive the social-emotional learning that they need.
In the long-term children who enter kindergarten with poor behavior regulation are more likely to fall behind in school and drop out of school. Suspending and expelling children can have long-term effects on a child’s health, well-being, and academic outcomes. As parents and educators, what can we do?
How Can You Help Your Students?
Here are ten specific practices you can use with your students to help them regulate and improve behavior.
- Prioritize your own self-regulation: we must be calm for children to be calm.
- Age Appropriate Vocabulary: help children learn appropriate emotional vocabulary.
- Tell Stories: stories help children make connections and see new ways of being.
- Problem-solving: each problem is a learning opportunity.
- Exercise: there are all around benefits to exercise including reducing stress hormones.
- Quiet Time: children need practice quieting the body and brain.
- Practice Regulating: this is not an innate skill. We need practice.
- Responding To Needs: this helps the child feel safe.
- Play: play increases social emotional learning, problems solving, and new perspectives.
- Visualization: remembering happy and pleasant experiences.
For more information on each of these tips, check out the post on “Tips to Help Children Regulate and Improve Behavior”
You Are Never Alone
Raising and educating children is a big responsibility. It can be exhausting at times and draining without the right resources, education, and support. Parents and teachers need support in their respective roles, resources, and information or training on how to meet the needs of young children.
The future of our society is directly impacted by the outcome of properly educating and guiding children’s growth and development. So if you’re feeling overwhelmed and intimidated by the weight, it’s understandable! But you were not meant to do this alone.
I offer several services that can help!
My work aims to help you build your knowledge and confidence around trauma-informed practices so you can be a guiding light to your students and families. I’d love to hear from you.
References
Gilliam, W.S., & Shahar, G., 2006. Preschool and child care expulsion and suspension; Rates and predictors in one state. Infants and Young Children, 19(Theory and Mind. https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/full/10.1002/9781118963418.childps3), 228-245.
McClelland, M.M., Geldhof, G.J., Cameron, C.E., & Wanless, S.B. (2015). Development and self-regulation in Handbook of Child Psychology and Developmental Science, R.M. Lerner (Ed). https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/full/10.1002/9781118963418.childpsy114
National Associate for the Education of Young Child (NAEYC). (2017). Standing together against suspension & expulsion in early childhood-Joint Statement. National Association for the Education of Young Children, Washington, D.C.
Stegelin, D. (2018). Preschool suspensions and expulsions; Defining the issues. Institute for Child Success. https://www.instituteforchildsuccess.org/wp-content/uploads/2018/12/ICS-2018-PreschoolSuspensionBrief-WEB.pdf
Zeng, S., Corr, C. P., O’Grady, C., & Guan, Y. (2019). Adverse childhood experiences and preschool suspension expulsion: A population study. Child Abuse & Neglect, 97. https://doi.org/10.1016/ j.chiabu.2019.104149